Questions to Ask for Honest Feedback
Because “Do you have any feedback for me?” almost never gets a real answer.
The best questions to ask for feedback are specific and make it safe to be honest. Instead of “Any feedback?” ask “What is one thing I could do differently that would make the biggest difference?” or “What is something you think I am not seeing?” Specific questions get specific answers, and how you react to the first answer decides whether you get a second one.
Most people say they want feedback, and I believe they mean it. But what most of us actually want is encouragement without correction. So we ask vague questions, get vague reassurance, and walk away feeling fine and learning nothing.
The people who will tell you the truth are usually still around. Many of us have just quietly stopped asking them. Nobody chooses an echo chamber. We just keep choosing the easier conversation until we have built one.
If you only listen to voices that protect you, you will never hear the ones that grow you.
Twelve questions that get real answers
For your manager
“What is one thing I could do differently that would make the biggest difference in my work?”
“What would you need to see from me to trust me with more?”
“Where do you see me getting in my own way?”
For a peer you trust
“What is something you think I am not seeing about how I come across?”
“When I push back in meetings, how does it land?”
“What is one habit of mine that makes your job harder?”
For the people you lead
“What is one thing I do that makes your job harder?”
“What should I stop doing?”
“When was the last time you held back an idea, and why?”
That last one matters. I learned the hard way that a leader can shut down a team’s ownership without meaning to. More on that in How to Stop Being Defensive.
For yourself
“Is there feedback I have been avoiding because it might be true?”
“Who in my life tells me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear, and when did I last ask them?”
“What blind spot did someone name for me years ago that I never tested?”
Specific questions
get specific answers.
How to ask so people actually answer
- Ask for one thing, not everything. “One thing” is easier to answer honestly than “any feedback.”
- Ask ahead of time. Tell someone before a meeting that you will want their honest read afterward.
- Do not explain. The moment you start providing context, you stop receiving the feedback and start managing it.
- Thank them, then act. People keep telling the truth to the people who visibly use it.
This comes from the principle Seek Truth. Not Praise. If you lead a team, How to Get Honest Answers From Your Team and One on One Questions That Get Real Answers go further.
Common questions
What is a good question to ask for feedback?
“What is one thing I could do differently that would make the biggest difference?” It is specific, it asks for one thing, and it is easy to answer honestly.
How do you ask your boss for feedback?
Ask for one specific thing, ideally ahead of time, such as “What would you need to see from me to trust me with more?” Then thank them and come back later with what you changed.
Why do people give vague feedback?
Usually because the question was vague, or because they are not sure how you will react. Specific questions and a calm first reaction both make honest answers more likely.
How often should I ask for feedback?
Regularly enough that it feels normal. Asking one person one question every couple of weeks builds a habit that a yearly review never will.
Ask one person one specific question this week. Listen without explaining. Change one thing and let them see it.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.