People Who Tell You What You Need to Hear
For anyone surrounded by encouragement and starved for honest feedback.
The people who tell you what you need to hear are the ones who care more about your growth than your comfort. To find them, look for people who have already done what you want to do, ask specific questions instead of general ones, react well the first time they are honest and keep them close. Most people will only tell you the truth once. How you respond decides whether they ever do it again.
In a team meeting about sales strategy, an area where I had years of experience, I listened to the team’s ideas and then redirected them to my own approach. Afterward, another leader pulled me aside.
He said, “Your idea might produce slightly better results, but shutting down something they worked hard on might cost you more than you gain.”
My first reaction wasn’t agreement. It was resistance. But I wasn’t helping the way I thought I was. That wasn’t leadership. It was control.
If you only listen to voices that protect you, you’ll never hear the ones that grow you.
Most people say they want the truth. In a survey by leadership researchers Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, 57 percent of people said they preferred corrective feedback to praise. The problem is that few people are willing to give it unless you make it safe.
The right people do not flatter you. They sharpen you.
Five ways to find and keep honest people
Look for people who have done it
Seek out people who are further along in what you want to do. Their honesty is grounded in experience, not opinion.
Ask specific questions
“Any feedback?” gets “Looks great.” “What is one thing I should do differently next time?” gets the truth.
React well the first time
Most people test the waters once. If you get defensive, they stop. If you say thank you, they keep telling you the truth.
Act on what they tell you
Nothing encourages honesty like seeing someone use it. Tell them what you changed because of their feedback.
Limit the voices that only protect you
Keep the people who encourage you, but do not let them be the only voices you hear. Growth needs both.
If you only listen to voices that protect you,
you’ll never hear the ones that grow you.
Signs someone is telling you what you need to hear
They are specific, not vague. They point out things you did not want to see. They explain why it matters. They offer to help you improve. They still treat you with respect. And their feedback usually turns out to be right, even if it took you a while to admit it.
Related reading: How to Get Honest Feedback and Actually Hear It, How to Stop Being Defensive and Questions to Ask for Feedback.
Common questions
Why is it important to have people who tell you the truth?
Because you cannot see your own blind spots. Honest people help you catch mistakes early, improve faster and avoid repeating the same problems.
How do I find people who will give me honest feedback?
Look for people further along than you, ask specific questions, thank them when they are honest and show them how you used their input.
Do people really want critical feedback?
Many do. A survey by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman found 57 percent of people preferred corrective feedback over praise.
What if honest feedback hurts?
Pause before you respond, thank them and take time to reflect. The sting fades, and the lesson usually stays.
Find people who have done it, ask specific questions, thank them the first time they are honest and act on what they say.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.