How to Be More Present With Your Family
For the busy parent who is physically there but mentally still at work, and knows it.
To be more present with your family, decide in advance which moments get your full attention, put your phone out of reach during them, and stop assuming you will have time to make it up later. Being present and being available are not the same thing. Your family can tell the difference.
There were seasons when work followed me everywhere. I would sit at one of my kids’ games, physically present but mentally somewhere else, thinking about a problem I needed to solve, an email to answer or a meeting the next day. If you had asked me where I was, I would have said I was with my family. The truth is, part of me was still at work.
There were times I did not feel like going to my oldest son Caleb’s school plays or what felt like the fiftieth game of the summer. Then I found myself at his last baseball game. Then his last basketball game. Then his final cross-country meet. Before I knew it, I was watching him walk across a graduation stage and getting ready to send him off to college. You do not always realize it is the last one while you are in it.
When I was managing restaurants and working odd hours, my dad watched my boys so we did not have to rely on daycare. He watched TV with them, played games with them, and even helped my oldest with potty training. He was there anytime I needed help, and he taught me a lot about being a father.
He died suddenly of a heart attack while my family was away on a trip. I got the call while my boys were seeing the ocean for the first time. I never got to tell him how much all of that meant.
Losing him taught me that you have to make the most of the time you have with your family before it is too late.
You do not need more time. You need to stop assuming you have it.
Six ways to be more present, starting this week
Decide which moments are protected
You will not be fully present every minute, and that is okay. Pick the moments that matter most, like dinner, the drive to practice, bedtime or the game, and decide ahead of time that those get all of you.
Put the phone out of reach
I have felt the difference in simple moments, sitting across from someone, putting my phone down and just listening. You can see it when someone realizes you are actually present. Their shoulders drop. Their voice changes. They open up. Kids do the same thing.
Close the workday on purpose
A lot of my distraction came from unfinished work circling in my head. Before you leave work, write down the one thing you will handle first tomorrow. It gives your mind permission to let go. If work keeps creeping into your evenings, How to Set Boundaries at Work may help.
Listen to the person who keeps you honest
My wife has always reminded me that these are the moments the boys will remember, not the meetings we attended or the emails we answered, but whether we showed up when it mattered. Our boys never have to wonder if she will be there. Let someone who loves you tell you when you are drifting, and believe them.
Say what you would regret not saying
I never got to tell my dad how much it meant that he helped raise my boys. If there is someone you have been meaning to thank or tell something important, do it this week. Do not wait for the right moment.
Give yourself grace when you miss
I still struggle with the balance at times. There were events I missed because of work, things I told myself I would make up for later. Being present is not about being perfect. It is about coming back, again and again, to what matters most.
Being present and being available
are not the same thing.
Why this is harder than it sounds
Most of us are not choosing work over family on purpose. We are just assuming there will be more time. There usually is, until there is not. I wrote more about that in You Do Not Get to Make Those Moments Up.
Common questions
How can I be more present with my kids?
Pick a few protected moments each day, put your phone out of reach during them, and close out your workday before you walk in the door so your mind can follow your body home.
What does it mean to be present with your family?
It means giving your full attention, not just your physical presence. You can be in the room and still be somewhere else. Being present and being available are not the same thing.
How do I stop thinking about work at home?
Before you leave work, write down the first thing you will handle tomorrow. Then leave your phone in another room for the first part of the evening.
What if I have already missed a lot?
You cannot get those moments back, but you can choose the next ones. Start with one protected moment this week and build from there.
Choose your protected moments, put the phone away, and tell the people you love what they mean to you now. Do not assume you will have time to make it up later.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
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