How to Set Boundaries at Work
For the person who answers emails at dinner, says yes before they have had time to think, and is quietly running out of room for the people they love.
Setting boundaries at work starts with knowing what you are protecting, because a no is much easier to say when you know what it is a yes to. Decide when your workday ends and share it, learn a kind and simple way to say no or not right now, and be fully present when you are off. Your time is your most valuable asset, and a boundary is simply a way of spending it on purpose.
Most of the people I talk with about boundaries are not lazy or difficult at all. They are usually the opposite, the dependable ones who have said yes so many times that work has slowly spread into every corner of their lives, until the emails come home, the evenings get shorter and the people at home start getting whatever is left over. None of it happened on purpose. That is exactly why it takes a little purpose to change it.
When I was on TV talking about the book, I was asked to pick just one tip from the whole thing. Out of all the principles and all the stories, I chose time: that it is the most valuable asset we have, and that what matters most is how we spend it with our friends and family.
That is really what boundaries at work are about. They are not about doing less or caring less about your job. They are about making sure the people who matter most are not the ones who keep getting the leftovers.
In the survey behind the book, being too busy came in as the second biggest barrier people face, right behind self-doubt and fear of failure. Busy rarely arrives all at once. It builds up one reasonable yes at a time, which is why the answer is not a dramatic change but a few clear, kind boundaries that you keep choosing.
Every yes to something that does not matter is a quiet no to something that does.
Six steps to set boundaries at work
Decide what you are protecting
A boundary without a reason tends to fall apart the first time someone pushes on it. Before you change anything at work, get clear on what you are making room for, whether that is dinner with your family, your kid’s games, your sleep, your health or simply an evening that belongs to you. When you know what the no is protecting, it stops feeling selfish and starts feeling like a promise to someone you love.
See where your time actually goes
It is hard to protect your time when you are not sure where it is going. For one week, jot down roughly how you spend your hours, including the late emails, the meetings that run long and the favors you agreed to without really thinking. Most people find a few places where time is quietly leaking out, and those tend to be the easiest boundaries to start with. The Free Worksheet on Where Your Time Goes makes this simple.
Set your hours and say them out loud
Choose a time when your workday ends, and then let the people you work with know in a calm, matter-of-fact way. Something like, “I am usually offline after six, but I will get back to you first thing in the morning,” sets an expectation without asking anyone for permission. Most colleagues adjust more easily than you might expect, because until now they were simply guessing. Where your job truly needs you after hours, agree together on what counts as urgent, so that everything else can wait.
Here is what that agreement might look like for someone in a client-facing role. A phone call or a text means it cannot wait, and they will respond within the hour. An email or a chat message after six can wait until 8 a.m. Anything a client flags as a safety or billing problem gets a call no matter the hour. Writing it down in three lines and sharing it with your manager turns a vague feeling of always being on into a clear rule that both of you can trust.
Learn a kind way to say no
Saying no does not have to be harsh, and it does not always have to be a flat no. You can say “not right now,” “yes, if something else can move,” or “I can take on part of this,” and stay warm and helpful the whole time. With your manager, it often helps to ask which priority should come first, so the decision about what slips is shared instead of silently carried by you. If saying no makes your stomach tighten, How to Stop People Pleasing was written with you in mind.
Be present when you are off
A boundary is only half built if you leave work but carry it home in your pocket. When you are with the people you love, try to really be with them, with the phone put away and your mind at the table. There is a real difference between being present and being available, and the people around you can feel it. I wrote more about that in Being Present Is Not the Same as Being Available.
Hold the line gently, and adjust
Your boundaries will be tested, usually by small requests that each seem harmless on their own. When one slips, and it will for everyone, simply start again the next day without being hard on yourself about it. Every few weeks, look at what is working and what is not, and adjust as your life changes. A boundary is not a wall you build once. It is a habit you keep choosing.
The most common mistake is announcing a boundary and then quietly breaking it yourself, answering the 9 p.m. email “just this once” until everyone learns that six o’clock never really meant six o’clock. The fix is to protect the boundary with something sturdier than willpower. Schedule late replies to send at 8 a.m., turn off work notifications at the time you chose, and keep a short list of the true emergencies that are allowed through. When you do make an exception, say so out loud: “I am jumping on this tonight because the client deadline is tomorrow, and I will be back to my normal hours after that.”
Your time is the most
valuable thing you
have to give.
When the job will not allow any boundaries
Some jobs really do ask for more during certain seasons, and there are times when it is worth leaning in for a while. But if you have asked kindly, tried in good faith and found that no boundary is ever respected, that tells you something important about the job rather than about you. It is okay to start thinking honestly about whether this is the right place for the life you want, because the moments you miss at home are ones you do not get to make up.
Common questions
How do I set boundaries at work without looking lazy?
Pair every boundary with reliability. Say when you will respond rather than simply going quiet, do excellent work inside your hours, and agree with your manager on what counts as urgent. People respect boundaries from someone who clearly cares about the work.
How do I say no to my boss?
Ask which priority should come first, offer what you can do instead, or say yes if something else can move. Keeping the tone warm and the focus on doing the work well turns a no into a shared decision rather than a refusal.
What are examples of healthy boundaries at work?
A set time when your workday ends, not checking email during family time, protecting your lunch break, agreeing on what counts as urgent after hours, and taking time off without working through it.
Why is it so hard to set boundaries at work?
Often because saying no feels like letting someone down, or because work crept into the rest of life so slowly that it never felt like a decision. Knowing exactly what you are protecting makes it much easier to hold the line.
Decide what you are protecting, set your hours and share them, and practice one kind way to say no. Your time is your most valuable asset, so spend it on purpose, especially on the people you love.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming your best self, including a full chapter on why time is your edge and how to spend it on what matters most. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
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