How to Stop Making Excuses
Seven steps that work without guilt or a lecture, the excuses people use most and what usually sits underneath them, and one small thing to do this week.
To stop making excuses, catch the exact sentence you use, separate the part that is true from the part that is a decision, shrink the next step until your reason no longer covers it, and tell one person what you are going to do. Then keep that small promise to yourself, and be kind to yourself when you slip.
I put the words “no excuses” in the subtitle of my book, and I want to be honest about what I meant by it, because it is easy to hear that phrase as something harsh. I did not mean that the reasons people give are lies. Most of them are completely true. The schedule really is full, the timing really is bad, and you really are carrying a lot right now. What I meant is that a true reason and a decision are two different things, and most of us have let one quietly stand in for the other for a long time.
When I surveyed working adults for the book, 78 percent told me they delay action on things they know they should be doing. These were not lazy people. They were capable, busy and often tired, and the excuse was usually sitting on top of something more human, like self-doubt, a fear of finding out, or simply being comfortable where they were.
An excuse is rarely a lie. It is usually a true sentence doing a job it was never meant to do.
Seven steps to stop making excuses
Catch the sentence
Excuses have a shape, and once you hear it you start noticing it everywhere. It is usually built on “I would, but,” or “because,” or “once things settle down.” You do not need to fix anything yet. For a few days, just notice the exact words you use when you explain why something has not happened.
Separate the true part from the decision
Write down every reason things are the way they are, and then circle only the parts you could act on this week. Whatever is left uncircled can stay true. It just stops getting to decide for you.
Say you have wanted to go back to school for years, and the reasons you give are money, time and the fact that you have not studied in a long while. Write all three down. Then circle what you could act on this week. Maybe you can look up the cost of a single course, or ask your employer whether they help with tuition. The other reasons can stay true. They just no longer get the final word. If you are not sure whether your reason is a genuine wall or a heavy door, Is It a Real Reason, or an Excuse? walks you through it in about two minutes.
Shrink the step until the excuse no longer applies
Most excuses are sized for the whole goal, and they fall apart when the step gets small enough. If you want to start working out, the first step is not a workout. It is driving to the parking lot of the gym. Next time you get to the door, then inside. “I don’t have time” covers an hour at the gym. It does not cover ten minutes in a parking lot.
Tell one person
An intention that lives only in your head is very easy to renegotiate at eleven o’clock at night. The moment you say it out loud to someone you trust, it becomes a small promise to another person, and most of us are far better at keeping those than the ones we make to ourselves. You are not asking them to push you. You are just letting someone know.
Change the words you use
“I can’t” closes the conversation before it starts. “I haven’t yet” leaves it open, and “I’m choosing not to right now” is honest about who is making the call. It feels like a small thing, and it is, but the voice in your head picks up the words you use out loud. A common mistake is changing the words without changing anything else. If “I haven’t yet” starts to become its own excuse, give it a date, as in “I haven’t yet, and I will start on the fifteenth.” How to Stop Negative Self-Talk goes further into training that voice.
Say the reason, then say the plan
You do not have to stop saying your reasons out loud. You just have to stop letting the sentence end there. Most excuses are only the first half of a sentence. “I am swamped this week” is true, and on its own it leaves the other person, and you, with nowhere to go. Add the second half: “I am swamped this week, so I will do the first ten minutes on Saturday at nine.” The reason stays honest, and now it comes with a decision attached. Do that often enough and the gap between what you say and what you do gets narrower, until the reason stops doing the deciding for you. The Promise is a free tool for writing one down with a date on it.
Be kind to yourself when you slip
You will slip. Everyone does, and the people who stop making excuses are not the ones who never miss a day. They are the ones who restart without a long speech to themselves about what that says about them. This was never about becoming perfect. It is about getting a little better than you were, and coming back after the days you were not.
What we say, and
what is underneath.
Most excuses are standing in for something quieter. If one of these sounds like you, the page it opens goes straight to what is usually underneath it.
A full calendar that nobody has questioned, or a priority you have not said out loud.
There Is Never Enough Time I’m not ready yetOften underneathFear dressed up as preparation. Ready is a feeling that usually arrives after you start.
Not Ready, or Just Scared? It’s too late for meOften underneathA story about age or timing that has never actually been checked against anyone else’s life.
It Is Not Too Late to Start It’s not my faultOften underneathProbably true, and still not helpful. Ownership is the part you can move.
How to Stop Blaming Others I’m not good enoughOften underneathSelf-doubt, the barrier people named more than any other in the research behind the book.
I Do Not Know If I Can Do This Things are fine as they areOften underneathComfort, the one barrier that feels like a reward, which is why it is so easy to miss.
Things Are Fine. So Why Change?Being right about why you are stuck
does not move you.
Common questions
Why do I keep making excuses?
Usually because an excuse protects you from finding out. As long as the reason stands, you never have to learn whether you could have done it. Most excuses are also true, which is exactly what makes them so easy to keep.
Is making excuses a sign of laziness?
Rarely. Most people who make excuses are busy, capable and tired. The excuse is more often sitting on top of self-doubt, fear of failure or simple comfort than on top of laziness, and treating it as laziness tends to make it worse.
How do you stop making excuses at work?
Pick one thing you have been explaining rather than doing, shrink the next step until your usual reason no longer covers it, and tell your manager or a colleague when you will have it done. If you lead a team, How to Build a Team That Holds Itself Accountable covers the other side of it.
What is the difference between a reason and an excuse?
A real reason removes the option. An excuse only makes it harder, and then gets treated as though it removed it. Both are usually true, which is why the difference is so easy to miss.
How long does it take to stop making excuses?
You will feel a difference the first week you keep one small promise to yourself. The habit itself fades over months, through a lot of small kept promises rather than one big decision.
Pick the one thing you keep explaining instead of doing, make the next step small enough that your usual reason does not cover it, and tell one person when you will do it.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles and a playbook for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories and a survey of more than 200 working adults. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.