Encourage Someone Who Doubts Themselves
For the parent, friend, manager or partner who can see what someone is capable of, even when they cannot.
To encourage someone who doubts themselves, be specific about what you see in them, point to evidence from their own life, give them a small next step instead of a big leap and offer to stand beside them while they take it. Do not argue with their feelings or just tell them they are great. People rarely talk themselves out of doubt. They act their way out, often because someone they trust believed in them first.
An entry-level employee I worked with was also working a second job on weekends. One day they shared why they worked so hard, and I encouraged them to apply for a sales role.
They pushed back. They did not feel ready. What they saw were reasons it might not work. What I saw was someone with the work ethic, character and determination to thrive if they gave themselves the chance.
It took several conversations and my commitment to mentor them before they took the role. Over the next few years, they became one of the top performers on the team.
They were not holding themselves back because they did not care. They were holding themselves back because they did not fully believe they were capable of more.
Sometimes people need to borrow your belief until they build their own.
Six ways to encourage someone who doubts themselves
Be specific about what you see
“You are amazing” is easy to dismiss. “The way you handled that angry customer tells me you could lead a team” is hard to argue with. Specific encouragement is believable encouragement.
Point to their own evidence
People in doubt forget their own track record. Remind them: “You learned that whole system in two months. You got through that last year. You have done hard things before.” Their history is more convincing than your opinion.
Do not argue with the feeling
Telling someone “Do not be nervous” rarely helps. Try “Of course it feels big. That makes sense. And I still think you can do it.” Feeling heard lowers defenses so encouragement can land.
Shrink the next step
Doubt grows when the leap looks huge. Help them find a small first step: apply, ask one question, try it once. The goal is not to convince them of the whole thing. It is to get them to take the next step.
Stand beside them
The employee I mentioned did not take the job because I told them to. They took it because I committed to mentoring them through it. Encouragement lands harder when it comes with help.
Celebrate the attempt, not just the result
If they try and it does not go perfectly, praise the courage it took to try. Confidence does not come before the experience. It comes because of it. Your job is to keep them coming back for more experience.
What they saw were reasons
it might not work.
What I saw was someone ready to thrive.
Encouraging your kids
With children, the same rules apply: be specific, point to their effort and progress, and let them try things that feel a little too hard. Showing up matters too. You do not always realize it is the last game or the last recital when you are in it, and being there is its own kind of encouragement.
For more on lifting people up, see How to Make a Difference in Someone’s Life, How to Be a Good Mentor and Leave People Better.
Common questions
How do you encourage someone who doubts themselves?
Be specific about the strengths you see, remind them of hard things they have already done, acknowledge the doubt instead of arguing with it, help them find a small next step and offer to support them as they take it.
What should you say to someone who does not believe in themselves?
Try something specific and honest, such as “I have watched you handle hard things before, and I think you can handle this too. What is one small step you could take?”
Why does general praise not work?
General praise is easy to dismiss because it does not connect to anything real. Specific encouragement tied to something the person actually did is much harder to argue with.
How do I encourage someone without pushing too hard?
Acknowledge their feelings, focus on one small step rather than the whole goal, and make it clear you will support them whatever they decide. Encouragement works best as an invitation, not a demand.
Be specific, point to their own evidence, shrink the next step and stand beside them while they take it. Sometimes people need to borrow your belief first.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
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