How to Be a Good Mentor
For anyone who has been asked to mentor someone, or who wants to leave the people around them better than they found them.
A good mentor sees more in someone than they currently see in themselves, tells them the truth, and commits to walking with them while they grow. Before every conversation, ask yourself one question: what would great look like for this person right now? Not for you. For them.
A lot of what I know about leadership started because someone took an interest in me. When I earned my first leadership role in a restaurant, a leader I respected recommended books to me, including John Maxwell’s The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. One idea from that book changed how I saw my life. I have tried to pay that kind of interest forward ever since.
An entry-level employee on one of my teams also worked a second job on weekends. When I learned why they worked so hard, I encouraged them to apply for a sales role. They pushed back. They did not feel ready.
After several conversations, and my commitment to mentor them, they took the job. Over the next few years they became one of the top performers on the team.
What they saw were reasons it might not work. What I saw was the work ethic, character and determination to thrive.
Success is about what you achieve. Significance is about who is better because of you.
Six things good mentors do
Ask what great looks like for them
Before any mentoring conversation, ask yourself what great would look like for this person right now. Not what you would do. Not what worked for you. What they need. That question keeps the relationship about them.
Tell them what you see
Many capable people hold themselves back not because they do not care, but because they do not fully believe they are capable of more. Sometimes the most valuable thing a mentor does is say out loud what everyone else already sees.
Treat “I am not ready” as a starting point
When the employee above said no, I did not treat it as the end of the conversation. I asked what was behind it and committed to helping. Some no answers are real. Others are fear, and fear is something you can walk through together.
Tell the truth kindly
Support without truth does not help anyone grow. Encouragement matters, but a mentor who only encourages is a fan. Tell them what you see, kindly and clearly, especially when it is hard to hear.
Be fully present
Put your phone down and just listen. You can see it when someone realizes you are actually present. Their shoulders drop. Their voice changes. They open up. In a world where everyone is half listening, that alone sets you apart.
Open doors, then step back
Recommend a book, make an introduction, put their name forward. Then let them do the work and own the result. The goal is not for them to need you. It is for them to outgrow the need.
Sometimes the most valuable thing
a mentor does is say out loud
what everyone else already sees.
Why mentoring matters more than you think
At a company holiday party, an employee’s wife pulled me aside to thank me. Her husband was more confident and more engaged, not just at work but at home too. I have received awards and hit goals that once felt important. Those moments do not last very long. That one filled my bucket in a way nothing else really can.
The principle behind this page is Leave People Better. If you mentor people at work, How to Spot Leadership Potential in Employees and One on One Questions That Get Real Answers may help.
Common questions
What makes a good mentor?
A good mentor sees potential, tells the truth kindly, listens fully and keeps the focus on what the other person needs rather than on their own experience.
What should I talk about with a mentee?
Their goals, what is getting in their way, what they are learning, and the next step they will take. Ask more questions than you answer.
How often should a mentor meet with a mentee?
Consistency matters more than frequency. A short regular conversation, such as every two to four weeks, usually beats occasional long ones.
Can a peer be a mentor?
Yes. Mentoring is about helping someone grow, not about title. Some of the best mentors are a step or two ahead, not ten.
Before every conversation, ask what great would look like for them. Tell them what you see, tell the truth kindly, and walk with them while they grow.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.