Make a Difference in Someone’s Life
For anyone who has done well and is starting to wonder whether any of it actually mattered to anyone else.
You make a difference in someone’s life mostly through small, consistent things: noticing what they are capable of, telling them, giving them a chance to prove it and showing up when it matters. Before your next conversation, ask what great would look like for that person right now. Not for you. For them. The difference you make is often bigger than you will ever see, so assume your impact is larger than it feels.
At a company holiday party, an employee’s wife pulled me aside. It was not even the employee I worked with. It was their spouse.
She told me she wanted to thank me. Her husband was more confident, more engaged and showing up differently, not just at work, but at home, too.
I have received awards. I have been part of successful companies. I have hit goals that once felt important. Those moments are meaningful, but the feeling does not last very long.
That conversation filled my bucket in a way nothing else really can. That was when my mission became clear: I want to help people become the best version of themselves, because I have seen what happens when someone starts to believe they are capable of more.
Success is about what you achieve. Significance is about who is better because of you.
Seven ways to make a real difference for someone
Ask what great looks like for them
Before your next conversation, ask yourself: what would great look like for this person right now? Not for you. For them. That one question changes how you listen, what you say and what you offer.
Tell people what you see in them
Most people do not fully believe they are capable of more. Hearing it from someone they respect can change their direction. Be specific: not “You are great,” but “The way you handled that client tells me you could lead a team.”
Give them a chance to prove it
I once encouraged an entry-level employee, who was also working a second job on weekends, to apply for a sales role. They did not feel ready. After several conversations and my commitment to mentor them, they took the job, and over the next few years they became one of the top performers on the team. Belief matters most when it comes with an opportunity.
Say thank you, specifically
Think of someone who shaped you and tell them, in detail, what they did and what it meant. Research by Martin Seligman and colleagues found that writing and delivering a gratitude letter produced a noticeable boost in happiness for the person who wrote it. It usually means even more to the person who receives it.
Be fully present
Putting your phone down and really listening is one of the simplest ways to make someone feel valued. In a world where everyone is half-listening, being fully present stands out more than you think.
Show up for the moments that matter
You do not always realize it is the last one when you are in it. Show up for the game, the recital, the hospital visit, the going-away dinner. People rarely remember what you said. They remember that you were there.
Assume your impact is bigger than it feels
You are the worst judge of your own impact, because most of it happens where you cannot see it: in someone’s confidence, a decision they make later, the way they treat their own team. Keep investing in people anyway.
What would great look like
for this person right now?
Not for you. For them.
Why it matters for you, too
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed people for more than 80 years, has consistently found that the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of a long, healthy and happy life. Making a difference for others is not just generous. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Keep going with Leave People Better Than You Found Them, Success vs Significance and How to Be a Good Mentor.
Common questions
How can I make a difference in someone’s life?
Notice what they are capable of and tell them, give them a chance to prove it, say thank you specifically, be fully present and show up for the moments that matter. Small, consistent actions usually matter more than grand gestures.
What is the difference between success and significance?
Success is about what you achieve. Significance is about who is better because of you. Success tends to fade quickly, while the difference you make in people’s lives lasts.
How do I know if I have made a difference?
Often you will not know, because most impact happens out of sight. Assume it is larger than it feels. Occasionally someone will tell you, and those moments tend to mean more than any award.
What small things make a big difference to people?
Remembering what matters to them, telling them specifically what you appreciate, listening without your phone, following up after a hard week and believing in them before they believe in themselves.
Ask what great looks like for them, tell people what you see in them, give them a chance and show up. Your impact is bigger than it feels.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.