Control What You Can Control
For anyone spending most of their energy on things they cannot change.
To control what you can control, sort what is weighing on you into two lists: what is in your control, such as your effort, attitude, choices and response, and what is not, such as other people, the past and the economy. Then put your energy into the first list and practice accepting the second. Acceptance is not giving up. It is choosing where your effort actually counts.
As a young adult raising my oldest son, I filled out job applications that always asked the same two questions: “What is your highest level of education?” and “Have you ever been convicted of a crime?” I knew I had to answer honestly.
I kept thinking, Why would anyone hire me? I could not control how employers judged my past. Those boxes were going to shape how people saw me before they ever met me.
What I could control was what I did next. I was working in a restaurant as a bartender and server, and I decided that if corporate America was not going to give me an opportunity yet, I was going to become the best I could with the opportunity I did have. I stopped asking for a chance and started becoming someone worth choosing.
Psychologists call this locus of control, a concept introduced by Julian Rotter. People with a more internal locus of control, who believe their actions shape their outcomes, tend to show more motivation and persistence than those who believe outside forces decide everything.
Responsibility is where power lives. If it is someone else’s fault, you have to wait. If it is yours, you can act.
How to focus on what you can control
Write down what is weighing on you
List everything taking up mental space right now: work, money, family, health, the news. Seeing it all in one place makes it easier to sort.
Sort it into two columns
For each item, ask: can I directly change this? Your effort, attitude, words, choices and response go on the left. Other people, the past, the weather and the economy go on the right.
Find your part in the right column
You cannot control the economy, but you can control how prepared you are. You cannot control your boss, but you can control your work and how you respond. Move that piece to the left.
Pick one action per worry
For each item on the left, write one action you will take this week. Control only matters if you use it.
Practice letting go of the rest
For what remains on the right, decide to stop spending energy on it. Worry creates the emotional experience of a problem without creating a solution.
I stopped asking for a chance
and started becoming someone worth choosing.
What if most of what is wrong is out of my control?
Then your response is the part that is yours. Even in the hardest seasons, you still choose your effort, your attitude and your next step. That is not a small thing. Over time, those choices are what change the situation.
Related reading: How to Stop Having a Victim Mentality, How to Stop Blaming Others and Your Past Does Not Have to Define You.
Common questions
What does control what you can control mean?
It means focusing your energy on what you can directly change, such as your effort, attitude, choices and responses, and accepting what you cannot, such as other people, the past and outside events.
What can you actually control?
Your effort, your attitude, your words, your choices, how you spend your time, how you treat people and how you respond to what happens.
How do I stop worrying about things I cannot control?
Write them down, separate what you can and cannot change, find your part in each problem, act on that part and consciously let go of the rest.
Is accepting what I cannot control the same as giving up?
No. Acceptance means you stop spending energy where it changes nothing, so you can put it where it does.
Sort what weighs on you into what you control and what you do not, act on the first and let go of the second.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.