Books Like
The Let Them Theory
Seven books for readers who found relief in letting other people be, and want to go further with the half that is theirs.
If you liked The Let Them Theory, the closest books are The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, You Are Capable of More by Chris Sund, Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday, and The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy. The Courage to Be Disliked is the natural next read, because it is the deeper philosophy underneath Let Them.
Why Let Them landed, and the half that matters most
Robbins’s idea is simple enough to remember in a hard moment, which is a big part of why it spread so fast. Other people are going to think, say and do what they are going to do. When you stop spending energy trying to manage that, you get the energy back for the only thing that was ever yours to control, which is your own response.
The half that gets talked about less is the second one, Let Me. Letting other people be is only freeing if you then take ownership of your part: what you do next, what you say, what you build. Without that half, Let Them can quietly turn into a reason to stop caring or to avoid a conversation that needs to happen. The books below go deeper into both halves.
Letting others be is the relief. Taking ownership of what is yours is the change.
One
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
The best next read. Written as a conversation between a philosopher and a skeptical young man, it introduces the ideas of the psychologist Alfred Adler, and its central one, the separation of tasks, is very close to Let Them. What other people think of you is their task. What you do is yours.
It goes further than Robbins on why we cling to other people’s approval in the first place, and it is surprisingly gripping for a book of philosophy.
Two
The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins
Robbins’s earlier book, and the practical partner to Let Me. Her rule is to count down from five and move before your brain talks you out of it. Where The Let Them Theory clears out the noise from other people, this one deals with the hesitation that stays even after the noise is gone.
A good pick if you already know what you want to do and keep stalling right before you do it. Why You Hesitate Right Before Something Good covers that moment too.
Three
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
A short classic built on four commitments, one of which is not to take anything personally. Ruiz’s point, that what people say and do is a reflection of their own world rather than a verdict on you, is Let Them in an older form.
It is brief and easy to return to, which is part of why so many people keep it on their nightstand.
You Are Capable of More by Chris Sund
My book, so weigh this accordingly. If The Let Them Theory helped you let go of other people, this one is about the Let Me half. The first of its ten principles, Own It. Every Day., is about taking full ownership of your own choices and response, and the rest of the book is about what usually gets in the way once you do: self-doubt, fear of failure, a full calendar and comfort.
In the survey behind the book, 92 percent of working adults said they were capable of more than they were doing. Most of what held them back was internal, not other people. It is around 170 pages, plainly written, with an exercise for each principle and a closing playbook.
Five
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Let Them works beautifully until someone keeps crossing a line, and this is the book for that moment. Tawwab is a therapist, and she is practical and specific about what a healthy boundary sounds like, including the exact words to use.
A good companion for readers who worried that Let Them meant putting up with anything. It does not, and this book shows the difference.
Six
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman
The Stoics were writing about Let Them roughly two thousand years ago. Their core idea, separating what is in your control from what is not, sits right underneath Robbins’s book. The Daily Stoic gives you one short reading for every day of the year from Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus, with a plain explanation of each.
A good way to turn the idea into a daily habit rather than a book you read once.
Seven
The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy
A lot of the energy we spend on other people comes from comparing ourselves to them. Sullivan and Hardy suggest measuring backward instead, against where you started rather than against an ideal or against someone else, and they argue it changes how motivated and content people feel.
A good fit for readers whose Let Them moments are mostly about comparison. There is more at books like The Gap and the Gain.
Let them think what
they think. Then own
what is yours.
Which one to pick
| Book | What it adds | Best for | Length |
|---|---|---|---|
| The Courage to Be Disliked | The philosophy underneath | The direct next read | ~290 pages |
| The 5 Second Rule | Moving past hesitation | Stalling before you act | ~240 pages |
| The Four Agreements | Not taking things personally | Something short to return to | ~160 pages |
| You Are Capable of More | The Let Me half, in practice | Owning your part | ~170 pages |
| Set Boundaries, Find Peace | When to hold a line | People who keep crossing it | ~300 pages |
| The Daily Stoic | A daily practice of control | Building the habit | ~400 pages |
| The Gap and the Gain | Measuring against yourself | Comparison | ~260 pages |
If you want one, read The Courage to Be Disliked. If you have already let go of what other people think and still are not moving, the books on the Let Me side are the ones to reach for next.
Common questions
What should I read after The Let Them Theory?
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Its idea of separating your tasks from other people’s is the deeper philosophy underneath Let Them, drawn from the psychologist Alfred Adler, and it is written as a conversation that is easy to follow.
What is The Let Them Theory about?
Letting go of what other people think, say and do, which you cannot control, so you can put your energy into the one thing you can, which is your own response. Robbins pairs Let Them with Let Me, the part where you take responsibility for what is yours.
Is The Let Them Theory like Stoicism?
Very much. The Stoic idea of separating what is in your control from what is not is close to the heart of Let Them. The Daily Stoic is an easy way into that older tradition.
What is the main criticism of The Let Them Theory?
That Let Them can be misread as permission to stop caring or to avoid every hard conversation. The book is stronger when Let Me gets equal weight, because letting others be only helps if you then take ownership of your part.
Which Mel Robbins book should I read first?
The Let Them Theory if your problem is other people’s opinions and behavior. The 5 Second Rule if your problem is hesitating before you act.
Let Them gives you the relief. Read Kishimi and Koga for the reasoning underneath it, Tawwab for when a line needs holding, and the Let Me books for what to do with the energy you get back.
Keynotes, workshops
and team copies.
Chris speaks to companies, associations and teams on ownership, self-doubt and helping people reach their full potential, and the book can be ordered for everyone in the room.
Reading Lists
Lists of books worth your time, sorted by what you are working on, with honest write-ups including the ones I would hand you before mine.
You Are Capable of More
Ten principles and a no-excuses playbook for becoming the person you know you’re capable of being. Available now in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle.