How to Stop Playing Small
For anyone who keeps shrinking their goals to fit what feels safe.
To stop playing small, notice where you are holding back, name the fear behind it, ask the people around you what they see in you, raise one goal a notch higher than feels comfortable and take one visible step toward it this week. Playing small usually is not about laziness. It is about not fully believing you are capable of more. The way through is action that proves otherwise.
An entry-level employee on our team was also working a second job on weekends. When they shared why they worked so hard, I encouraged them to apply for a sales role. They pushed back. They did not feel ready.
What they saw were reasons it might not work. What I saw was someone with the work ethic, character, and determination to thrive if they gave themselves the chance.
They weren’t holding themselves back because they didn’t care. They were holding themselves back because they didn’t fully believe they were capable of more.
After several conversations and a commitment that I would mentor them, they took the job. Over the next few years, they became one of the top performers on the team.
Feeling like you do not belong at the next level is common. Psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes first described the impostor phenomenon in 1978, and a 2020 review in the Journal of General Internal Medicine found reported rates ranging from 9 to 82 percent depending on the group studied. Many capable people hold back for the same reason.
Playing small feels safe. It is not. It just makes the cost harder to see.
Six ways to stop playing small
Notice where you hold back
Where do you stay quiet, aim low or avoid applying? Write down the places you shrink.
Name the fear
Fear of failing, of being seen, of not being good enough. Naming it takes away some of its power.
Ask what others see
Ask a mentor or coworker what they think you are capable of. People often see more in you than you do.
Raise one goal a notch
Take one goal and make it a little bigger than feels comfortable. Not reckless. Just bigger.
Take one visible step
Apply, raise your hand, share the idea or ask for the project. Visible steps are harder to walk back.
Collect evidence
Keep a list of things you did that you once thought you could not. Read it when the old voice shows up.
Most people don’t wake up one day
and decide to live a smaller life.
Signs you are playing small
- 1. You talk yourself out of opportunities before applying
- 2. You downplay your wins
- 3. You wait to feel ready before speaking up
- 4. You set goals you already know you can hit
- 5. You let others take credit for your ideas
Related reading: How to Stop Playing It Safe, Apply for a Job You Do Not Feel Ready For and Seven Signs You Are Capable of More.
In the media: I talked about what keeps capable people where they are on KXAN’s Studio 512 in Austin. CEO Weekly featured my take on why people are usually ready long before they believe it.
Common questions
What does it mean to play small?
It means holding back from what you are capable of, usually to stay comfortable or avoid the risk of failing or being judged.
Why do I play small?
Often because of self-doubt, fear of failure, fear of judgment or not fully believing you are capable of more.
How do I stop playing small at work?
Speak up earlier, apply for stretch roles, share your ideas and ask a mentor where you are underselling yourself.
Is playing small the same as being humble?
No. Humility is being honest about your abilities. Playing small is hiding them.
Notice where you hold back, name the fear, borrow someone else’s belief and take one visible step bigger than feels comfortable.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
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