How to Become a Better Person
For the person who wants to be kinder, steadier and more helpful to the people in their life, and who is ready to start with the next conversation rather than waiting for a big change.
Becoming a better person is mostly about how you treat other people, especially when nothing is in it for you. Notice how people feel after time with you, tell them what you see in them, offer real support when they try something hard, and improve one small habit at a time. The simplest test is whether you leave people a little better than you found them.
There is a lot of good advice out there about becoming a better version of yourself, and much of it focuses on habits, goals and productivity, which matter and which I have written about in Become the Best Version of Yourself. This page is about something a little different. It is about character, the quieter question of what kind of person you are to the people around you, and whether your being in their life makes it a little better.
I have come to believe that question matters more than almost any accomplishment, because when most of us think about the people who made a real difference in our lives, we rarely think first of the most impressive ones. We think of the people who noticed us, believed in us before we believed in ourselves, and stayed close when things got hard. Most of us can become that kind of person for someone else, and the path there is made of very ordinary moments.
My dad taught me to always be kind to everyone. Not just to the people who could help me, and not just on the days it was easy. Everyone. It is the simplest lesson I know, and it is still the one I come back to most.
Years later, at a company party, the spouse of one of our employees came up to me and told me her husband was a better person because he worked with us. That sentence became my measure for whether the work matters, and it became my mission to help people become the best version of themselves.
The truest measure of who you are is how the people around you feel after they have spent time with you.
Six ways to become a better person
Notice how people feel after time with you
You do not need a grand plan to start. You only need to pay attention, gently and honestly, to whether the people you spend time with walk away a little lighter or a little heavier. It is not about being perfect or pleasing everyone. It is about noticing, because once you start paying attention to your effect on people, you naturally begin to adjust it. This is the heart of How to Leave People Better Than You Found Them.
Tell people what you see in them
Many people simply cannot see their own strengths, and they will not act on their potential until someone else names it for them. The key is to be specific. “Great job” is pleasant and forgotten by lunch. “The way you calmed that customer down without making him feel foolish was really skillful” is something a person can carry for years, because it tells them exactly what they did well and that someone was paying attention. Specific praise costs nothing, takes ten seconds, and is one of the clearest ways to show people how you see them.
Offer support, not just advice
Encouragement means a lot more when it comes with a promise that you will be there if things get hard. Imagine a friend tells you he is thinking about going back to school at night, and he is nervous about it. The easy response is advice: “You should totally do it.” The kinder response adds support: “You should do it, and if the first semester gets heavy, call me, and I will help you study or take the kids for an evening.” The first sentence is encouragement. The second one is a safety net, and a safety net is what gives people the courage to actually try. It is something any of us can offer.
Make the people around you better
It is natural to measure yourself by your own results, but a kinder and more lasting measure is whether the people around you are growing. Do your friends feel more capable after talking with you? Does your team do better work because you are on it? Does your family feel more supported? Those questions point toward a quieter kind of success that I think matters most. I go deeper into this in the Leave People Better principle.
Practice one kindness until it sticks
Character is not built in one dramatic decision. It is built in a long series of small ones, and trying to change everything at once usually leads to changing nothing. Choose one kindness, such as listening without interrupting, learning the name of the person who cleans your office, or answering a hard text with patience instead of speed, and practice it until it feels natural before moving to the next. That steady, patient approach is what I call Relentless Improvement, and there are practical ideas for it in How to Get Better Every Day Without Beating Yourself Up.
Ask for honest feedback
It is hard to see ourselves clearly, and the people closest to us often notice things we miss. Asking someone you trust how you come across, and what one thing you could do better, takes a little courage. Receiving the answer with gratitude instead of defending yourself takes even more. But it is one of the fastest and kindest ways to grow, both for you and for the relationship.
Leave people
a little better
than you found them.
The people who cannot do anything for you
If you want an honest read on your character, look at how you treat the people who have no power over your day: the server who brings the wrong order, the new hire who keeps asking the same question, the customer service rep reading from a script, the neighbor you do not especially like. It is easy to be kind to a boss or a client, because kindness there pays off. Kindness to everyone, with nothing coming back, is the real test, and it is the one my dad was talking about.
Here are a few questions to sit with this week. When was the last time I was short with someone who could not push back? Who in my life do I treat as background instead of as a person? If the people I spent time with today described me tonight, what word would I hope they used, and what word would they actually use? You do not have to like every answer. You only have to let the answers point you toward the next small kindness.
Being better is not the same as being perfect
Wanting to be a better person can sometimes turn into a quiet habit of being hard on yourself, and I do not think that helps anyone. You will have days when you are short with someone, forget to follow up or miss a chance to be kind. That does not undo the person you are becoming. Relentless Improvement, one of the principles in You Are Capable of More, is about direction rather than perfection, and the people I admire most are not the ones who never get it wrong. They are the ones who notice, make it right where they can, and keep going a little better the next day.
Common questions
What makes someone a better person?
Mostly how they treat other people, especially when nothing is in it for them. A better person tends to leave the people around them a little better off, by noticing them, believing in them and being there when things get hard.
How do I become a better version of myself?
Pick one small thing to improve, practice it until it becomes natural, then pick the next. Pay special attention to how you treat people, because character shows up most clearly in your everyday interactions.
Can a person really change who they are?
Yes. People change through small, repeated choices rather than a single dramatic moment. The way you treat people today becomes a habit, and over time habits become character.
Where should I start if I want to improve myself?
Start with one relationship. Think of one person in your life and ask what you could do this week to leave them a little better than you found them, then do it.
Pick one person this week and do one thing to leave them a little better than you found them, whether that is telling them what you see in them or offering support for something hard. Character is built in moments that small.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.