All-or-Nothing Thinking
For anyone who misses one day and decides the whole plan is ruined.
All-or-nothing thinking is seeing things in extremes: perfect or failed, on track or off, all in or done. It makes one missed workout feel like proof you cannot stick with anything, so you quit. To stop it, catch words like always, never and ruined, set a minimum version of your habit for hard days, count partial progress and get back to it the very next day.
If I miss a workout, that doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means I need to get back in the gym tomorrow. That sounds simple. It is the opposite of how most people talk to themselves.
When I was writing my book, I wrote at the gym between sets. I remember standing there one night, just staring at my phone. I hadn’t written anything yet. I could have put it back in my pocket, finished my workout and gone home. No one was expecting anything from me in that moment. No one else would have known.
But I would have.
I wasn’t deciding whether to write a few paragraphs. I was deciding whether I would become the kind of person who followed through on the things that mattered to him.
Psychologist David Burns put all-or-nothing thinking at the top of his list of common thinking errors in his book Feeling Good. Researchers studying dieters, including Janet Polivy and C. Peter Herman, found a related pattern often called the “what-the-hell effect”: once people broke their plan a little, many abandoned it completely.
A bad day is a day. It is not a verdict.
Five ways to stop all-or-nothing thinking
Catch the extreme words
“I always quit.” “I never stick with anything.” “Today is ruined.” Those words are the sign that you are judging a moment as if it were your whole life.
Set a minimum version
Ten minutes of exercise, one page of reading, one paragraph written. A small version keeps the habit alive on days when the full version is not going to happen.
Count partial progress
Three workouts in a week you planned for five is still three more than zero. Track what you did, not just what you missed.
Get back to it the next day
The miss is rarely the problem. The days after it are. The faster you return, the less one bad day can grow into a bad month.
Grade on a scale, not a switch
Instead of asking whether today was good or bad, ask how it went on a scale of one to ten. A four is not a zero, and it shows you what to adjust tomorrow.
No one else would have known.
But I would have.
Examples of all-or-nothing thinking
- 1. “I ate one cookie, so the diet is blown for the day.”
- 2. “I missed Monday, so I will start again next week.”
- 3. “If I cannot do the full hour, there is no point going.”
- 4. “I made one mistake in the presentation, so it was a disaster.”
- 5. “If it is not perfect, I am not sending it.”
- 6. “Either I am all in on this goal or I should drop it.”
Related reading: How to Get Back on Track After Falling Off, Does the Seinfeld Strategy Work? and High Standards vs Perfectionism.
Common questions
What is all-or-nothing thinking?
All-or-nothing thinking, also called black-and-white thinking, is seeing situations in extremes, such as perfect or failed, with no middle ground. It is one of the most common thinking errors described in cognitive behavioral therapy.
Why does all-or-nothing thinking make me quit habits?
Because one miss feels like total failure. Once the plan feels ruined, quitting seems logical, even though one missed day has very little effect on long-term progress.
How do I stop black-and-white thinking?
Catch extreme words like always and never, set a minimum version of your habit for hard days, count partial progress and return to the habit the next day.
Is all-or-nothing thinking the same as perfectionism?
They are closely related. Perfectionism sets an impossible standard, and all-or-nothing thinking decides that anything short of it counts as failure.
A missed day is not a failed plan. Set a minimum version, count partial progress and get back to it tomorrow.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.