The Average of Five People
For anyone who has heard the saying and wondered whether it is actually true.
The idea that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, usually credited to Jim Rohn, is not a scientific rule. But the core of it is supported by research: the people around you shape your habits, standards and beliefs more than you realize. The takeaway is not to cut people off. It is to be intentional about who you learn from, who you spend your best time with and who pushes you to grow.
I made a point of asking for conversations with business owners, authors, professional athletes, former Olympians, television personalities and leaders.
Every time I reached out, I had the same thought in the back of my mind: why would they take the time to talk with me? Some never responded, and that’s part of it.
But the conversations I had with the ones who did were game changers.
I wasn’t reaching out to ask for shortcuts. I wanted perspective.
Research by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, who studied a large social network over decades, found that behaviors like smoking, weight gain and even happiness spread through social connections. The people around you do not decide who you become, but they make some paths easier than others.
You do not have to change who you love. You can change who you learn from.
Five ways to be intentional about your circle
Notice who you spend time with
Who do you talk to most? Who do you feel better or worse after seeing? Who raises your standards and who lowers them?
Add people ahead of you
Ask for a conversation with someone further along. Join a group, class or team that pushes you. Books and podcasts count too.
Spend your best time well
You cannot always choose who you work with. You can choose who gets your best energy and attention.
Keep people who tell you the truth
The most valuable people in your circle are the ones who care enough to be honest with you.
Be the person who raises the average
You are part of someone else’s five. Be the one who encourages, challenges and leaves them better.
I wasn’t reaching out to ask for shortcuts.
I wanted perspective.
Myth vs truth
- 1. Myth: you will become exactly like the five people closest to you. Truth: they influence you, but you still choose.
- 2. Myth: you should cut off anyone who is not successful. Truth: loyalty and kindness matter. Add growth, do not just subtract people.
- 3. Myth: it only counts in person. Truth: books, podcasts and mentors you rarely see also shape how you think.
- 4. Myth: the number five is scientific. Truth: it is a memorable saying, not a research finding.
Related reading: How to Build a Personal Board of Directors, How to Find a Mentor and Leave People Better Than You Found Them.
Common questions
Who said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with?
The saying is usually credited to motivational speaker Jim Rohn.
Is it true that you are the average of five people?
Not literally, but research shows that the people around you influence your habits, standards and even your happiness.
Should I cut off friends who are not growing?
Usually not. Focus on adding people who push you, spending your best time well and being honest about influences that hold you back.
How do I find people who will help me grow?
Ask someone further along for a conversation, join groups working toward similar goals and keep people who will tell you the truth.
The saying is not science, but the point is real. Be intentional about who you learn from and who gets your best time, and raise the average for others.
You Are Capable
of More.
Ten principles for becoming the person you know you are capable of being, built from real stories of people who doubted themselves and did it anyway. Winner of the How-To category at the 2026 Paris Book Festival.
When I’ve got something worth sending.
Just a story or an idea I picked up that I think will help you.
Sometimes that’s twice in a month. Sometimes it’s not for a while.